Nothing Exceeds Like Excess

Sleepy Time

gwyndynalexander@yahoo.com — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 08:30:22 GMT

Goodnight, my dears.

Song for the Day

gwyndynalexander@yahoo.com — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 03:31:26 GMT

One of the most beautiful songs ever.

Public Service Announcement

gwyndynalexander@yahoo.com — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 19:37:30 GMT

Since many of you lovely people seem to absent yourselves from LJ on the weekends, I fear you might have missed two very different yet equally epic posts. If you have the time and inclination and a liking for increasingly bizarre collaborations, may I direct your attention to:

The glory that is knastymike and his magnum opus Jetpack Hitler and the Steampunk Nazi Vampires:
http://idiomagic.livejournal.com/204095.html#idiomagic204095

Also, the increasingly wondrous alagbon and I collaborated on this lovely little piece of insanity:
http://idiomagic.livejournal.com/203445.html

Truly, my dears, your lives will not be complete without indulging in these twisted literary confections.

(With many thanks to Narwhal Mike, Rasputin, and Nicodemus for allowing their works and their likenesses to appear here.)

Let's go do some crimes!

gwyndynalexander@yahoo.com — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 05:22:40 GMT

It happens sometimes...people just explode. Natural causes.

gwyndynalexander@yahoo.com — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 00:06:22 GMT

To everyone I still owe readings to: I'm in rather a lot of pain right now, and will be for another day or so. When that's done, I'll do the readings posthaste.

To Sabrina: You glorious, magnificent, utterly delightful sweetheart! I got the package today, and am currently delighting in the glorious stripey socks while munching on fortune cookies. You are so incredibly awesome I have run out of superlatives. Thank you thank you thank you, so very much! You made my day, my week, my entire holiday season.
*smooch!*

Happy Solstice

gwyndynalexander@yahoo.com — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 18:41:36 GMT

Happy Solstice, my loves!

May the return of the light bring you joy and blessings and nothing but good things. Thank you all for being my in my life, you have made my world a beautiful place.

In honor of the day, I'm offering in depth Tarot readings to the first 21 people who ask for one.

Tats

gwyndynalexander@yahoo.com — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 05:21:21 GMT

Here are three of the four tattoos I currently have. The fourth is too embarassing to share.

This is my left bicep. The hieroglyphs spell 'wyrd', which loosely translates to fate or destiny.

This is my right bicep. I got this one in honor of my beloved brother Xn, the Prince of Fishes.

This one is on my left thigh. It's a woodcut from a 1920's German version of the Kama Sutra. The illustrious Nicodemus has identified the artist as Fidus.

Tis the season

gwyndynalexander@yahoo.com — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 01:05:40 GMT

knastymike rides again!

gwyndynalexander@yahoo.com — Sun, 20 Dec 2009 05:45:52 GMT

There is no way to properly prepare you for the glory and majesty of Jetpack Hitler and the Steampunk Nazi Vampires, so I won't even try.

Read, then worship at the feet of knastymike. He is awesome and win, incarnate.

knastymike: On a barren stretch of windswept road in the wastes between insignificant towns, a rider sat astride a dusty gray steed keeping a steady, easy pace.
gwyndyn alexander: SQUEEEEEEEEE!!!!
knastymike: A labrys was strapped to her back with a brace of pistols worn around her waist. A longrifle was scabbarded to her horse.
gwyndyn alexander: !!!
knastymike: In the distance she could make out shapes in the road. As she drew closer, the scene materialized into a familiar one. A young couple in a wagon had obviously been waylaid.
gwyndyn alexander: zomg!
knastymike: She could do nothing for the man or woman. The carnage, though not the worst she'd seen by any means, was far too much for any human to survive. Surveying the wreckage for anything salvageable, she spotted something which set her nerves afire.
gwyndyn alexander: Whiskey?!?!
knastymike: Familiar green-tinted glass shards lay in a quickly seeping pool of liquid.
knastymike: Moving in for a closer examination, she noted a torn label reading "Jameson", and a dreadful fury came upon her.
gwyndyn alexander: Oh yes...
knastymike: The distillery had been destroyed in the war with Those Beyond, and only a scant few hundred bottles remained in the known world, if that.
gwyndyn alexander: *weeps*
knastymike: For someone to waste such a treasure so completely could not be forgiven.
knastymike: But who would cause such waste? Who would perpetrate such a travesty?
knastymike: Vengeance would be meted out. Men would die for this.
knastymike: Mounting her horse to better survey the land for tracks, she readily spotted several marks of scoring on the dusty ground, as though seared by intense fire.
knastymike: Her eyes narrowed to slits, she ground her teeth and cursed the name of her prey:
"Jetpack Hitler..."
knastymike: End Prologue.
gwyndyn alexander: I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I JUST MIGHT DIE RIGHT NOW
knastymike: That would be most unfortunate!
knastymike: I'd much rather you shower me with affection.
gwyndyn alexander: KEEP GOING! I CAN'T STAND THE SUSPENSE
gwyndyn alexander: ok. i love you and you're awesome and keep going
knastymike: I dunno... I may have to wait until next week...
knastymike: Naw, just kiddin'.
gwyndyn alexander: plz plz plz? I'll take more pictures for you...
knastymike: Chapter 1: Jetpack Hitler and the Steampunk Nazi Vampires
gwyndyn alexander: FROM SPACE
gwyndyn alexander: or not
knastymike: NOT FROM SPACE
gwyndyn alexander: it just makes me happy to say it.
knastymike: There is a limit to everything. : P
gwyndyn alexander: carry on.
knastymike: Fair enough. : )
knastymike: The world thought that they were rid of Hitler on April 30th, 1945, but they couldn't be more wrong.
knastymike: Under Hitler's direction, the Nazi's had melded mad science with dark magic to produce some astounding prototypes, most of which never reached the point of usefulness in a large scale war.
knastymike: There were at least three advances which had significant applications, nonetheless.
gwyndyn alexander: ???
knastymike: The first and most important was a cryostasis chamber designed for the Führer himself. The remains found by the Allies were those of a body double. Adolph, seeing that this would not be his time of triumph after all, retreated to his hibernation device deep in the secret underground storehouse of Nazi Occult Inventions and set it to revive him seventy years later.
gwyndyn alexander: This...this is too good for my feeble, whiskey-drenched vocabulary...
knastymike: This may have come to little had it not been for the events of 2012 and the arrival of Those Beyond.
gwyndyn alexander: FROM SPACE?
knastymike: Whether those abominations came from the stars, from the depths of the molten core of the earth or from somewhere outside our understanding of space and time, no one really knows.
gwyndyn alexander: I'm breathless with antici-
knastymike: All we know is that they were bent on the destruction of humanity, and we only just managed to repel them to wherever it was they had come from. Society was set back hundreds of years. The creatures were certain to target industrial areas, centers of higher education and any research facility.
gwyndyn alexander: -pation.
knastymike: The closest estimates we have show that nearly 95% of all humans were destroyed in more Western and developed nations, and up to 50% in the so-called "backwards" and third-world nations.
knastymike: But that is a story for another time.
knastymike: in November of 2014, when Those From Beyond were finally driven back, the stage was set for a new menace.
gwyndyn alexander: ...
knastymike: In a few short months, Hitler awakened, completely unaware of what the world above held.
knastymike: The first thing he did was visit what would be his new mobile headquarters, a giant Zeppelin of Nazi design, completely steam powered and armed to the teeth. The Luftwaffe.
gwyndyn alexander: Oooooooooo! Want!
knastymike: He regretted that he did not have the chance to unleash this upon Stalin's forces, but he did take grim satisfaction in the thought that the Red was by now quite dead.
knastymike: Next he would need a cadre of elite to surround him, a new SS, one that, given a bit more time, would have allowed him to crush all those who opposed him.
knastymike: Walking to a row of a dozen large pods of a dark, eldritch design, he began engaging a control panel marked with ancient Norse runes.
gwyndyn alexander: !!!
knastymike: A warning siren clanged, a red light flashed, and the pods began to open.
With moans and cries that could freeze the blood of any but a monster like the man who woke them, twelve things stepped forward from their own cryostasis. They were at one time men, though some unknown process had irrevocably changed them, given them an existence that was anathema to all that was natural.
knastymike: They looked at him with bestial, hungry eyes and seemed ready to rend him limb from limb, but a sharp word of command reached into their undead minds, and each one snapped to attention.
gwyndyn alexander: zomg!
knastymike: Waiting for night to fall, they boarded the zeppelin and set sail to wreak havoc and mayhem on whatever awaited them.
The world was quite ill prepared to meet this new terror. Modern aircraft could not run without fuel, and that was a scarce resource. They ruled the skies, unchallenged and supreme.
As soon as a target was spotted on the surface, they would don Nazi-designed jetpacks and descend on their victims without warning.
knastymike: In almost no time, all learned to fear Jetpack Hitler and the Steampunk Nazi Vampires.
knastymike: End of Chapter 1

To be continued...

Don't shoot me Santa

gwyndynalexander@yahoo.com — Sun, 20 Dec 2009 04:51:19 GMT

Dear Santa...

Dear Santa,

This year I've been busy!

In May I had a shoot-out with rival gang lords on the 5 near LA (-76 points). Last Friday I helped dancinghorse across the street (6 points). In April I set mlfoley's puppy on fire (-66 points). In November I ruled Duluth, Minnesota as a cruel and heartless dictator (-700 points). Last Monday I committed genocide... Sorry about that, weishaupt (-5000 points).

Overall, I've been naughty (-5836 points). For Christmas I deserve a lump of coal!

Sincerely,
idiomagic

Christmas...New Orleans Style

gwyndynalexander@yahoo.com — Sat, 19 Dec 2009 18:37:17 GMT

Epic Storytime

gwyndynalexander@yahoo.com — Sat, 19 Dec 2009 09:44:15 GMT

The increasingly delightful alagbon and I have spent the past four hours collaborating on a story via email.

For a first time effort, I believe we did rather well.

Once upon a time there was a tyrranical ruler named Gwyndyn, God Emperor of the Multiverse, King of the Lemurs. One day, she had worked up quite an appetite after a vigorous morning of smiting. She turned to Rasputin, her Grand Vizier and Consort, and said: "Summon Nicodemus! He must give an accounting for his misdeeds with the exchequer and that incident with the Marlene Dietrich clones. In the meantime, we shall feast!"

So they did feast upon roast gazelle and saffron rice, with that browned crust at the bottom of the rice the way they do it in Iran which is so tasty, washed down with copious amounts of Jameson's and other fine elixirs. None of the messengers could find Nicodemus, however, no matter how much Rasputin threatened to have their toes fed to carnivorous voles. The carnivorous voles were happy with this as they preferred the toes of messengers to other types of sustenance, but neither Gwyndyn, God Emperor of the Multiverse, King of the Lemurs, nor her Grand Vizier and Consort Rasputin found this particularly gratifying.

The exchequer chuckled quietly to himself in his Tibetan mountain fastness, looking out upon the formerly pristine fields of snow, now sullied with the tracks of his slowly building army of Aryan Yetis. Soon, he whispered to himself, soon it will all be mine.

However, in a monastery nearby, Abbot Phaisha Zamkhan was preparing a mandala of great power. The secret of this mandala, revealed by the Gods to only a select few and only capable of achieving its maximum effect every seven hundred years, had been given to him by a bhang-crazed sadhu who had climbed the icy mountains clad only in a threadbare loincloth, sustaining himself through the journey by drinking his own blood. Abbot Zamkhan was about to put the last grain of sand, the crucial grain of sand, into place, positioning the copper funnel at the precise degree of deviation from magnetic North at the exact time indicated by the sadhu's calculations, when Nicodemus fell seemingly out of the solid stone ceiling of the monastery, right into the middle of the mandala, rendering three years and seven months' work carefully synchronised with the movements of certain nameless stars completely useless. The Abbot looked around sadly, shrugged his shoulders, and threw an incense burner at Nicodemus' head.

The wily exchequer raised his phurba, deflecting the blow.
"So," he sneered, "we meet again. You thought you were rid of me seven years ago, when you refused me the secrets of the Nineteen Manifestations and tossed me naked into the snow.
"The Yetis saved me from my fate, and I have grown strong. Strong enough to defeat you. Strong enough to defeat the God Emperor herself!"

Abbot Zamkhan laughed. "I defeated you before, and I shall defeat you again! For the last six years I have been drinking nothing but consecrated whiskey sent to me by the God Emperor's emissaries, and it has given me power beyond anything a puny exchequer such as yourself could ever imagine!" He hiccupped, and Nicodemus fell to the floor for a second time, helpless. Two monks who looked more like goons in saffron robes grabbed the exchequer, disarmed him, and prevented him from escaping. "Preved, medved!" shouted the Abbot, and an army of enormous bears massed in the monastery courtyard. "Your Aryan Yeti shall flee before the dreaded Bears of Bobruisk! Afftar zhzhot!"

As the God Emperor and her Grand Vizier finished dining, there was a commotion in the Grand Hall: screams, the thunder of running feet, and the roaring of enraged bears.

"Ah," said Rasputin brightly, "I believe that would be dessert!"
"No, Beloved," the God Emperor said grimly, "that sounds more like...justice."

Carefully removing her diadem, Gwyndyn placed it reverently on the table and reached for her labrys. Testing the edge with a finger, she smiled; the smile famed for striking fear into the hearts of her foes.

"Summon my lemurs!" she ordered. "Nicodemus and I have a date with destiny."

The lemurs poured out of the trees en masse, chattering to each other in anticipation as they prepared for battle. Rasputin called for his kukri, and replaced his usual Tyrolean hat with a pickelhaube. Running out into the fray, he looked at one of the yeti and came to a sudden realisation: "God Emperor! This yeti... isn't Aryan!"

Gwyndyn stopped her headlong charge, and drew up at her consort's side. They were hemmed in by Yetis, but she could see Nicodemus to her east, battered and bloodied yet triumphant.

Suddenly, a strange whistling noise drew all attention to the sky. The air was black with orgone powered zeppelins and nazi ufos.

"Come, my love!" She shouted to Rasputin. "The victory is theirs! We must flee and live to fight another day!"

Hand in hand, they raced off the field of battle, defeated...for now.

THE END

Cheesecake!

gwyndynalexander@yahoo.com — Sat, 19 Dec 2009 05:40:20 GMT

One last request for stripey stockings, this time with bonus! garter belt.

Still life with Jameson

Temper temper

gwyndynalexander@yahoo.com — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 21:36:53 GMT

PSA

gwyndynalexander@yahoo.com — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 16:04:04 GMT

http://community.livejournal.com/paidmembers/23977.html

If you have a Paid or Permanent account, you can now send 10 of your non-Paid friends a $10 coupon. Your friend will be able to purchase a Paid Account for $9.95 (instead of $19.95) for one year by enrolling in our automatic payment plan or make a manual payment of $15 (instead of $25).

All Paid and Permanent accounts can send out the coupons by clicking here (it's also under Friends -> Holiday promotion in the site header)
You can also send to people not on your Friends list by manually entering the username in the field provided
If your friend declines the invitation, it will be returned to your available invitation pool and you'll be able to send to someone else
You can send the invitations until January 15th

If anyone wants one, just let me know.

This. In a big way.

gwyndynalexander@yahoo.com — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 08:54:20 GMT

Many astrologers consider that the "Mercury Shadow" begins between two and three weeks before the actual retro station; so the "shadow phase" begins on December 9, when Mercury passes the point of direct station for the first time in this cycle. This view has some justification, but I am more inclined to think that the really noticeable peculiarities begin when Mercury slows significantly, a few days before the retro station.

This period of "Mercury Shadow" extends to the Return date, something under three weeks after the direct station. Bear this in mind, because experience shows that the effects of the retro period are still marked during the shadow phase. Some of the most characteristic annoyances often occur just after Mercury makes the direct station, while he is crawling forward before picking up speed.

In general, Mercury rules thinking and perception, processing and disseminating information and all means of communication, commerce, education and transportation. By extension, Mercury rules people who work in these areas, especially those who work with their minds or their wits: writers and orators, commentators and critics, gossips and spin doctors, teachers, travellers, tricksters and thieves.

Mercury retrograde gives rise to personal misunderstandings; flawed, disrupted, or delayed communications, negotiations and trade; glitches and breakdowns with phones, computers, cars, buses, and trains. And all of these problems usually arise because some crucial piece of information, or component, has gone astray or awry.

It is not exactly wise to make important decisions while Mercury is retrograde, since it is likely that such decisions will be clouded by misinformation, poor communication and careless thinking. Mercury is all about mental clarity and the power of the mind, so when Mercury is retrograde these intellectual characteristics tend to be less acute than usual, as the critical faculties are dimmed.

Random Haiku

gwyndynalexander@yahoo.com — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 07:47:39 GMT

I hear the intro
to Queen's 'Under Pressure'. Yay!
No. 'Ice Ice Baby'.

MLWTTKK

gwyndynalexander@yahoo.com — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 22:38:32 GMT

Slainte!

gwyndynalexander@yahoo.com — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 20:04:00 GMT

A hammer for you and a sickle for me

gwyndynalexander@yahoo.com — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 04:24:18 GMT

This Pleases Me

gwyndynalexander@yahoo.com — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 23:36:57 GMT

http://laurenleto.wordpress.com/readers-by-author/

Stereotyping people by their favorite authors. Genius.

Best Xmas Song Ever

gwyndynalexander@yahoo.com — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 20:42:33 GMT

More pix

gwyndynalexander@yahoo.com — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 00:01:10 GMT

Your video fnord the day

gwyndynalexander@yahoo.com — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 20:40:11 GMT

Heaven, a gateway, a hope
Just like a feeling I need, it's no joke
And though it hurts me to treat you this way
Betrayed by words, I'd never heard, too hard to say
Up, down, turn around
Please don't let me hit the ground
Tonight I think I'll walk alone
I'll find my soul as I go home.

Each way I turn, I know I'll always try
To break this circle that's been placed around me
From time to time, I find I've lost some need
That was urgent to myself, I do believe
Up, down, turn around
Please don't let me hit the ground
Tonight I think I'll walk alone
I'll find my soul as I go home.

Oh, you've got green eyes
Oh, you've got blue eyes
Oh, you've got gray eyes
Oh, you've got green eyes
Oh, you've got blue eyes
Oh, you've got gray eyes
And I've never seen anyone quite like you before
No, I've never met anyone quite like you before
Thoughts from above hit the people down below
People in this world, we have no place to go
Oh, it's the last time
Oh, I've never met anyone quite like you before

Bored. Really, really bored.

gwyndynalexander@yahoo.com — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 04:35:17 GMT

Where the hell is everyone? Why is no one entertaining me? I am not pleased with this state of affairs...Someone send dancing girls and whiskey, stat.